
"Pick up the ball, dude. Come on, pick up the ball and throw it."
Pick up the ball? Why? I'm not even for sure I want to play anymore. The game hasn't been fun for quite some time and I feel like taking off the cleats and walking away.
That's how I've felt since about halfway through November 2023. Sit down and write? Yes, I should sit down and write. Write something. Write anything. But why? Even in this moment it's tough going
Ever since my sister died, I haven't felt like doing much writing. It's a long story so I won't bore you with it now but I'm not even sure I want to play the game anymore. I have some unresolved feelings from Rayann's death, for sure, but why should that cause writer's block?
I do know Rayann was my number one cheerleader who encouraged and challenged my writing. (Truth be told, my only cheerleader.) She wasn't afraid to tell me what I needed to hear either. I don't have that anymore. Maybe that's why I hesitate to write; I don't want to do it without her. I resent the fact that I have to do it without her.
I do believe I'll get back in the game at some point. I also know it's okay to walk away from the keyboard for a while too. Maybe forever. I don't know. Maybe I'll be back next week or next month or maybe never. Time will tell (and hopefully heal).
Interesting. I wrote the above blog at least six months ago but never published it. Except for publishing a monthly newsletter for Wordsowers (which is part of my job, so yeah, I have to do that), I haven't written on a regular basis. I'm thankful that God is stirring the write in me again. Today, I did put something on my devotional blog for the first time in over eight months. It's a start.
I still miss my sister and probably always will. She would want me to continue writing. After all, she was my biggest cheerleader. (Yeh, yeh. My only cheerleader.)
Glad you took time to grieve. There’s no timetable. But now that you are dipping your toe back into the water, I’ll be cheering for you.
Dear Lillie,
I can relate to what you are saying. It is hard to think clearly enough to write when you are grieving. I think what you need to decide is 1. Did God call you to write? and if so, 2. Has his call come to a close? I'm sure he understands that you needed a break after your sister died, so don't feel guilty. If he wants you now to continue, he will give you the ability to do so.
Judith